Posted on: Nov 26 2016

16 Hilariously Cryptic ‘Flirty’ Texts, and What They Really Mean


Head Writer


The art of texting someone you wanna hang with (or Netflix and chill with, if you catch our drift) is terribly time-consuming and 200% exhausting. So much so, that most of us get it wrong, most of the time.

And who can blame us? No one has the extra bandwidth, or the desire, to constantly stress over where to put the winky face, or when to use punctuation.

If only the confusion stopped there – but unfortunately, when you’re on the receiving end of one of these messages, things can get even more baffling.

But finally, we’ve got answers.

So next time you’re in a bind and you don’t know how to explain yourself to the hottie you’ve been texting – or you need help decoding what the hell they’re trying to tell you – just refer to these 16 brilliantly cryptic “sexts” and their true meanings.



What you type: I’m hungry, I ate too much.

What you mean: I have impulse control issues. Also, I don’t really think about the consequences of my actions.

And guess what? My emotions are as erratic as my feeding habits, baby. So one moment I want you, but the next, I’m drowning in regret over our last encounter and deleting your number. Only to add it back again later, because you bet your ass I memorized that shit.




What you type: I am unavailable.

What you mean: Emotionally? Or maybe I just can’t come to the phone right now? It could go either way, and I’d like you to spend some time stewing over which it is.




What they type: I suck on so many levels.

What they mean: I’m damaged goods. But it’s your job to bend over backwards trying to convince me otherwise, cause years of being jilted by ex lovers and having my expectations shattered have turned me into one insecure, desperate SOB.