7.
What they type: I am going to disappoint you so completely <3 <3 <3
What they mean: Buckle up, lover boy, cause you’re in for a bumpy ride. Not only am I not into your punk rock band, I’m also not a natural redhead, and I only started dating you to make your best friend jealous! But hey, what you don’t know won’t hurt you, so go ahead and spend your money on a few expensive dates while this relationship is still afloat.
8.
What they type: If I get fat it’s your fault.
What they mean: I’m comfortable enough with you to let myself go, but I’m still a little insecure about the extra pounds, so I won’t let you forget for a SECOND that you’re complicit.
Also, would you like another cupcake? Because if this ship goes down, we’re going down together.
9.
What you type: I want your ceiling fan to kill me.
What you mean: I hope that I die by the good grace of a freak accident where your ceiling fan, running on the highest speed setting, plummets down upon our sleeping bodies in the middle of the night and kills us, by electrocution if not by violent maiming.
TLDR: I’m crazy. Run away, as fast as you possibly can, if you have any idea what’s good for you. Or I just had a bad day. You decide, but ask yourself – how well do you know me?
