17 Things Your Barista Is Dying to Tell You – But Can’t

Image via Gadget Master
Image via Gadget Master

Ahh, coffee.

There’s no better way to start the day, especially if that day starts with MON. (Or, for that matter, Tues, Wednes, Thurs, or Fri).

Because no matter how groggy, grouchy, or useless you feel when you wake up, once you have your caffeine, things can only get better from here.

But sadly, the sacred exchange between barista and customer isn’t always a pick me up for the folks behind the register.

Between making bizarre demands, leaving a mess at the condiments bar, and tipping like crap (if at all) there are a lot of ways you can ruin your baristas morning.

And is that any way to thank your Coffee Queen when she’s the only person standing between you and sweet, sweet caffeinated bliss?

Your barista is already putting up with you at your worst, so the least you can do is try to be decent.

Stick to these 17 tips and they just might start to like you, or at the very least tolerate you.


1. Have a basic knowledge of coffee before trying to order. This stuff is standardized, people, and both me and the other customers will resent you if I have to explain to you what a cappuccino is. Google it.

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

Coffee is just brewed coffee. Iced coffee is similar but with ice. Espresso is concentrated coffee. A latte is milk mixed with espresso, and can be hot or iced. A cappuccino is steamed milk with espresso shots poured on top, not mixed. Some places sell iced blended drinks.

Frappuccinos are just a Starbucks thing. Only Starbucks. So if you don’t see a goddamn green mermaid, don’t try to order one.

 

2. Flirting will not get you an extra shot of espresso—quite the opposite.

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

If I had a dollar for every time a customer tried to act sweetly just for an extra pump of syrup or for another espresso shot, I would be rich enough quit this job.

We can all see right through your scheme, so don’t try to weasel your way into a freebie.

 

3. Decide on your order before getting to the front of the line.

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

It’s like driving on the highway—follow the flow of traffic, plan your lane changes, and stay away from distractions.

So yeah, please keep up with the pace of the other customers, know what you want before you order, and for the love of god stay off your phone while speaking to me.

Written by Mary McCaw

Mary is a freelance writer and editor. She's based in San Francisco, but lately, home is wherever her suitcase is. If you really are what you eat, she is at least 50% pizza.