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21 Doctors Confess The Dumbest Things They Have Ever Heard From A Patient

9.

Viagra does not prevent STDs or pregnancy.

10.

17 yo girl came in with a bloody rectum/anus. Apparently she wasn’t wiping after using the bathroom and it was basically really bad diaper rash. So the nurse had to call social services. And explain to this girl proper wiping.

11.

I’m a veterinary technician. I once had to explain to a frantic client that the ticks she had frantically been trying to remove from her male dogs belly with tweezers were actually his nipples. I also told her she had an extremely well behaved, patient dog.

12.

A patient’s family member got into a verbal altercation with me over the fact that I was trying to “freeze his mother to death.” He kept pointing to the digital thermostat displaying a temperature of 23 degrees Celsius (we’re in the U.S.). When I explained to him that 23 C is not at all cold, he just kept pointing to the display & shouting, “You don’t think 23 degrees is cold?! It’s 23 F*CKING DEGREES IN HERE!” & acting insane. After multiple attempts to explain to him what Celsius is, we finally gave up & had him escorted out. He was a man in at least his late-30’s who graduated high school & had never heard of Celsius & Fahrenheit.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.