dating

These 21 People Miraculously Survived The Worst One Night Stands

5.

We banged then fell asleep, I woke up around 7 a.m. to someone spraying air freshener on my sheets. I pretended I was asleep as she got a towel and tried to sop up her urine. This went on for about 15 minutes. She then got back in bed and she too pretended to sleep, in her urine mind you, till I “woke up”. I hastily told her she had to leave after I actually processed what had just happened.

6.

One night stand. The next morning, I wake up in his bed, he’s facedown so I can’t see him. I frantically try to find all of my clothes, my purse, my car keys, & get out without waking him or any of his roommates. I ended up running up Main Street to where I parked my car the night before only to realize I forgot my keys at his place & my car got towed. & I only had half an hour to get to campus for my test. Ended up hungover-jog-of-shaming to class just in time. Luckily, I had a spare car key at my place & got my car back. That weekend some guy I swear I never saw before slyly came up to me & handed me my keys & said “I think these are yours, & I think you peed in our kitchen.”

7.

I went on a date with this guy. It was a pretty terrible date, but he was cute & I hadn’t been laid in awhile, so I accepted an invite back to his place. When we walked in, I was knocked back by the stench. Turns out he had an untrained Dalmatian that pissed & shit everywhere. He hadn’t cleaned it up in a few days. Probably should have called it quits then, but again, he was cute. We had some clumsy, unsatisfying sex on his air mattress next to a pile of piss-soaked clothes, & then tried to fall asleep together. I think I gave it a good 20 mins before I began to wonder if the piss fumes would pickle my brain, then made some excuse & escaped.

8.

I met two girls at a concert. One was pretty cute, the other was nasty. They both came back to my apartment, where we had a few drinks. The cute one announced that they had to get going. Being drunk I offered to let the ugly friend stay. Ste said she wouldn’t have a ride home, so I told her I could take her home the following day. We have sex, I wake up freaked out, but I have to take her home so I lightly wake her up & we get ready to go. She is super appreciative that I’m driving her home, which strikes me as odd until she asks if I know how to get to the town where she lives. I now remember the girls mentioning where they were from earlier in the night, a small town about 2.5 hours away. So I have to drive this girl 3 hours home, & drive 3 hours back.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.