21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

9.

A girl comes out with two dudes. All are drunk. She gets in the front & they get in the back. They’re going to another bar about 15 minutes away. No big deal. She is also the most unattractive, white trash looking girl you can imagine (important later). She passes out as we get on the interstate. Again, nothing significant. I drive a Kia, which like many Asian cars has a pull emergency brake in front of the center console. Her arm has somehow gotten underneath the lever. I ask her to move it since we’re going 75 and I would prefer not to die. Her friends get super pissed and start saying “YOU SHOULD GRAB HIS DICK. THAT’LL SHOW HIM.” So she reached over and grabbed my dick. They then decided I must be gay since the little guy didn’t appreciate this. I would have kicked them out, but we were on the interstate & their destination was right off the next exit anyway.

10.

Once I picked up a client who was just wearing his underwear. He didn’t want to talk, so I never found out why.

11.

I was driving back and forth between one neighborhood and a skrillex/bassnectar/some shitty wub-wub concert. I pick up a load of frat boys. “Woah bruh are you psyched for WUBWUBBAND?” on the way there one of the passengers ask me “hey bruh, do you mind if we bump?” To me “to bump” means to listen to music loudly. We are listening to the classical music station. So I turn up the volume and say “yeah, you guys like motzart?” And the bro responds “uhhh yeah, whatever” the next thing I know, I glance in my rear view and they are snorting cocaine.

12.

One night right when I first started driving I had a woman who was drunk and smelled like vomit get a ride. I kept talking to her to keep her awake and said that if she needed to pull over to tell me. It wasn’t a long distance trip but we never made it to the destination. She asked me to pull over because she was going to puke. When in pulled over I heard her open the door and get out. Being new to this I was going get out and help, but when I did I discovered she was gone. And then I noticed her about 3 blocks down the street running as fast as she could. She left her shoes in my car and never claimed them. I just ended the trip. Not my problem.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.