23 Couples Tried Porno Sex Moves and It Didn’t End Well

Image via Lifestyle
Image via Lifestyle

Porn is pretty freaking hot. It’s hot and steamy and they do all these crazy moves that you didn’t know existed. And those moans and screams let you know that those people are having the best sex EVER.

Or are they? We all know porn is pretty staged and over-exaggerated.  And yet, we still think that what they’re doing is not only enjoyable, but easy to replicate. So couples will see a move that looks hot, and give it a whirl. Why the hell not, right?

Well, turns out that there’s a reason most people don’t give certain moves a go. It’s because they’re A) potentially dangerous and B) not as sexy as they’re made to look. Still curious and want to try some porno moves at home? Perhaps you should read about these 23 couples first. They all attempted porno moves and they didn’t go exactly as planned.

These 23 couples tried porno moves and it didn’t end well:


1.

My gf at the time was giving me a bj while I was standing up and I thought I’d return the favor by picking her up and spinning her upside down for a standing 69. She got freaked out about being picked up, farted which made me gag and I ended up giving her a tombstone in the living room of my first apartment. She kinked her neck and hit her foot on the edge of my coffee table while the forward momentum of the drop caused me to slowly fall on top of her bending my dick on her stomach. That emergency room visit wasn’t a fun one and the doc couldn’t stifle his laughter during our explanation.

2.

When my wife and I started dating (in our teens and kind of lacking in the knowledge department) we decided to use whipping cream and chocolate sauce, I was going down on her and got the bright idea I’d shoot a load of whipping cream right in her pussy, needless to say she freaked, sex stopped dead and about a week later she got a yeast infection.

3.

First time I came in a girl’s mouth she spit it out in her hand and threw it at me in surprise. It was her first time giving a blowjob.

4.

Do not f*ck a girl up against the glass wall in the shower, especially not in a rented apartment, that wall is expensive.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.