There are few things more cringe-inducing than having a bro named Chad serenade you with a poorly played guitar rendition of a sh*tty Bruno Mars song. Oh wait, having that same bro named Chad bombard you with an out-of-nowhere-proposal on the jumbotron at a semi-finals basketball game sucks way, way worse. Dudes, don’t ever make a public proposal unless you know for certain that she’ll say yes. Actually, public proposals just suck in general, but what do I know?
When guys think of ways to romance a girl, some fall flat and go with trite, overly mushy, and straight up clingy gestures. Sure, women like to feel cared for and appreciate thoughtful gifts and time spent, but when you’re leaving her badly written poetry in her mailbox and fluttering flower petals on her bedspread (that sh*t stains, yo!), you can come across as really f*cking cheesy.
Also, assuming that all women like sparkly jewelry and flowers is stupid. Romance is not a one size fits all game. I mean, some might want chocolates and necklaces, but some girls just want a nice serving of d*ck and a bowl of macaroni in bed while watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. So dudes, when you’re trying to think of the perfect, most romantic thing for bae — just remember to keep it simple. And please, under any circumstances, do not play her that 13 minute song you wrote for her while gazing creepily into her eyes without blinking.
If you want to woo your boo, definitely don’t try any of these 23 cringeworthy things:
1.
You ever had a man sit you down and play a terrible song on a guitar and sing for you? I know his heart was in the right place but it was like 4 minutes of uninterrupted eye contact through AWFUL singing and guitar playing where I felt like I had to act like I was swooning the whole time.
2.
I once had a date seductively sit me down, then he stood back up and proceeded to do a twenty-five minute, only occasionally funny stand up routine. He was a firefighter with a slight lisp and it was all very confusing but I did end up sleeping with him so.
3.
Applying a one-size fits all mentality for romantic gestures. Some individuals would love grand romantic gestures but just because it worked in a romantic comedy or “chick flick” does not mean it’s going to work in a real life setting. Some people really like receiving flowers/chocolate, other people don’t. I think men tend to forget that women are individuals and their preferences may not match what media/their friends’ girlfriends/etc preferences are.
4.
I will start by saying there are exceptions to every rule. If you play an instrument, that is sexy. But do not try to impress or woo a woman by performing a private concert in your living room. I had a guy bust out his guitar on our second date. He sang THREE whole songs while trying to gaze into my eyes, just waiting for me to fall in love with him. He wasn’t even that good at guitar and a terrible singer. It was super awkward, but I’m glad it happened so I can look back and laugh.
Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.
