23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

by Irvi Torremoro

9.

I’m 15 and the only talk I’ve had was from my grandma. “Have you had the birds and the bees talk with your mother!?” “nope” “g*ddamn it!” To clear things up this is my dad’s mom and she HATES my mom.

10.

This is the conversation I had with my dad a week after I came out as gay to him: Dad: Son, you know know even though there’s no pregnancy risk you still need to use condoms, right? Me: Yeah dad, I know. Dad: Do you have any concerns with this kind of stuff? Me: No, and we don’t really need to have this conversation, ok. Dad: Thank god, son.

11.

My mom gave me two books on sex and told me there would be a test on Friday. My mom used to be a teacher, and she’s never really been a talk-it-out, feely kind of of mom.

12.

My dad said to my sister and me, “Hey, who wants to go for ice cream?” So we go for ice cream and on the way back home he says to us, “You know, girls… there’s no such thing as pregnancy insurance.”

Written by Irvi Torremoro

Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.