dating

23 of the Strangest Methods People Used to Try to Turn Someone On

9.

My wife read in magazine that blowing gently on a man’s ear was a sure way to turn him turned on, so she decided to give it a try. As English is her second language, she overlooked the two key words, “gently” and “on.” She gave me a peck on the cheek followed by a peck on the lips. Then, out of nowhere, she makes a loose seal with her lips around my ear and then blasts gale force winds right into my ear hole. After my nearly blown eardrum recovered, we had a good laugh about it and decided she was never allowed to read Cosmo again.

10.

She decided to give me a blow job… her first time ever attempting. She did not understand that teeth are not involved… as I am basically saying “ow ow ow…” she thinks I am loving it and goes faster. I literally had to push her off my dick, and she cried for an hour about how humiliating it was. So I basically had to apologize for her biting my dick.

11.

Was at a bar (where the girls dress kind of skimpy, not hooters though) with my (now) wife, and I spilled my cup of water on the table. The waitress said “you are a bad boy, a bad bad boy” and basically fake yelling at me while we cleaned it up. It was super awkward and I really didn’t care for it at all, not my thing. My wife thought it was weird as hell also but laughed at the faces I made once the waitress walked away. Not really into that sort of thing… but I guess others have been.

12.

A really kinky girl I met in high school came over to my place one day while my parents were gone. When she took off my pants and got on her knees in front of me I thought she was about to blow me but instead she then started to cuss out my dick. She screamed her head off at my dick for about 5 minutes and to be honest, it kind of worked.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.