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23 Things Dumb People Thought Would Prevent Pregnancy & STDs

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID. Alright, not everyone, but a hell of a lot of people out there have brains made of applesauce and turdlets.

One reason I’m so sure of this? The things people do to avoid pregnancy and STDs. Although I’d love to solely blame the dummies that are out there layering on condoms like t shirts, but truthfully, we have to put some of the blame on sex education. Like, how are there people out there in the world that think putting Listerine up their vagina is a good idea?

And then there are the parents. Surely, some of them didn’t get a solid sex education to begin with, but seriously, try and do some research on your own and teach your kids about STDs, pregnancy, and how to properly use birth control.

The following 23 morons thought completely INSANE things could keep them from getting pregnant or getting an STD. Seriously, these things will completely blow your mind. If you are one of these people, sorry not sorry. After reading this, utilize WebMD and if you’re still confused, go to a mother f*cking doctor ASAP.

These 23 dumb people thought these things would help them avoid pregnancy and STDs:


1.

I went on a couple of dates with a girl who was a gynecologist. I got a text one day saying “OMG one of my patients is an idiot. Their internal organs are prolapsing through their vagina because they thought it would be a good idea to douche with Listerine because they just had unprotected sex and didn’t want to get pregnant. wtf???” So don’t douche with Listerine.

2.

Pharmacist here, My coworker got a phone call when working overnight about a woman concerned with having “purple vaginal discharge”. So of course she continued to try to get more information because sometimes blood could be shades of purplish I suppose. She also asked if she had changed anything lately to which the woman responded that she and her husband and just started to use a diaphragm for a contraceptive. She asked what brand of spermicidal jelly she was using thinking maybe it was an allergic reaction, the jelly was colored, etc. The woman responded with “Smuckers”. She was loading up her diaphragm with GRAPE SMUCKERS JELLY. no wonder she had a purple vaginal discharge.

3.

If you rinse out a vagina with a turkey baster after unprotected sex, pregnancy prevention increases by 98%.

4.

One of my professors told me this story from when he was treating patients in a women’s clinic. Apparently his woman was previously prescribed birth control pills, but still kept getting pregnant. She complained that she took her birth control every night and didn’t know why it wasn’t working. Finally, my professor found out that she wasn’t actually swallowing her birth control pills. She put the pills up her vagina, and thought that’s how birth control pills work. No one ever thought they had to actually explain to her how to take the birth control…

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.