You’re at a small get together with your new boyfriend and his friends. They’re laughing, shootin’ the sh*t, and you’re finding it hard to get a word in edgewise. What could you possibly say to get all of their attentions without literally taking your nipple out or slapping one of them in the face? Why, just come at them with some not very safe for work trivia! “Like, sorry to interrupt Chad, but did you know that when snails have sex, they simultaneously penetrate each other’s vaginas with mucous darts?” Nailed it.
Chad will drop his sh*tty light beer in awe and worship the ground you walk on because you’ve added a slightly scandalous and very interesting fact about mollusks to the conversation. And what bro doesn’t want that?! Great job! When you’re awkward AF and you don’t know what else to say while bumbling through small talk, just make sure that you have a slew of ridiculous facts in your back pocket that you can spew at a moment’s notice. Boring people will appreciate you and raucous people will get a mother f*cking kick out of it.
So the next time you’re reaching for things to say, just revert back to this handy little article of slutty facts to help you get going. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know that the world record for longest cum shot is a resounding 18 feet! Or maybe spice up your high school reunion and impress that girl you always liked with some PHAT knowledge like — the average male erection contains enough blood to fill three whole gerbils. The more you know, y’all.