9.
“From when my dad was a guard: Two prisoners trying to kill a third prisoner. The shank broke, so they put a pen in his ear and stomped on it. It came out his mouth and he lived.”
10.
“My dad used to work as a CO and he would never tell me any stories about his time there until one day, after constant badgering, he told me the tale of the Easter surprise. Easter morning one of the inmates thought it would be a brilliant idea to get completely naked and shove a toilet scrubber all the way up his ass so the only part visible was his bristled “bunny tail.” He then proceeded to scream that he was the Easter bunny while trying to hop around and avoid the oncoming guards.”
11.
“My dad never told me about this let, alone about him working at the prison. Mom told me the reason why he quit, though. Dad was getting everyone back to their cells, and when passing by one of the cells that had already been checked, his face was splashed by a boiling liquid. He had to be rushed to the hospital for his burns. Turns out the prison gave each cell a hotplate of some sort and a prisoner had boiled his pee and threw it at my dad’s face. After that, he quit.”
12.
“I work closely with all the prisons in the state. There’s one notorious inmate who likes to jerk off and throw his semen in everyone’s face; fellow inmates, guards, it doesn’t matter. He’s not strict to semen, sometimes piss and shit, just whatever he can get his hands on.”
