entertainment

27 Problem Children Ruined Ridiculously Expensive Things

5.

We had a 90g salt water tank with easily upwards of $3k worth of coral, fish… I went to work a night shift and my son unplugged everything for the night my husband didn’t notice. Everything was dead in the morning, and the house smelled lovely.

6.

My eye. When she was six months old, she was sitting in my lap playing with some toy. She suddenly got really excited and flailed her arms up. Her fingernail dug deep into my eye. Three surgeries later, I still can barely see out of that eye, and it’s visibly screwed up too (not egregiously, but if you look me in the eye my pupil is clearly more oval than circle). And needless to say, I won’t be telling her about this until she’s an adult at the earliest, and even then only if she asks.

7.

My grandpa was in the navy and when he took his youngest son (my uncle) onto a ship for a tour, my uncle wandered away for a little bit. They found him dropping Whoppers (the candy, not the burger) into whatever openings he could find. Supposedly, despite the crew working tirelessly to find them all, they’d still hear whoppers rolling around for years to come.

8.

My Son watched me windex the windows one day while cleaning. When I put the spray bottle down he picked it up and soaked two flat screen tv’s down. It got sprayed so much some seeped in behind the screen and ran down the inside.

9.

When I was about 4 or 5 I destroyed our upstairs and downstairs bathrooms. I had this little blue bath toy whale, and I had told my mom before that I wanted it to go to the ocean, so one night we were going out to dinner with my aunt and uncle. I go to the bathroom before leaving and put the sink stopper on and my little whale in the sink. When we come home we can hear running water the upstairs bathroom floor which was the downstairs bathroom ceiling had collapsed and there was a waterfall coming from upstairs.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.