humor

29 People Reveal The Dumbest Thing They’ve Done While Their Brain’s On Autopilot

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In a world consumed by 3 second attention spans, social media, work stress, relationship drama, and an inadequate amount of sleep — it’s only inevitable that people will have major f*cking brain farts. I mean, it scares me sometimes when I get home from work and I realize that I don’t remember how I got there. Did I hit a pedestrian on the way? Who f*cking knows. We’re all such zombies by the end of the day (okay, afternoon) that living life on autopilot, as sad as it sounds, has become the new normal.

And maybe you’re not a complete f*ck up that hates their job and goes through the motions day after day after day in a lackadaisical fog. And props to you for that! But you’ve probably had moments that make you question if you even really have a brain. Like, maybe you were going to fetch a fresh roll of toilet paper and ended up throwing the entire roll INTO the toilet. It happens to the best of us, bro.

Or maybe, after a long day, you heat up a microwave dinner, take the plastic wrap off, and then throw your food directly in the trash. I’m not saying that your brain is trying to tell that you shouldn’t eat that unhealthy sh*t, but you probably shouldn’t eat frozen fish sticks and mashed potatoes for five days in a row. For all that our brains do for us (conscious thought, dreaming, problem solving, making you feel sh*tty about texting your ex at 3am), they sure do make us look dumb AF sometimes. Shouts out to everyone who’s ever put their car keys in the fridge. This one’s for you.

These 29 people did the most hilarious things while their brain was on autopilot:

1.

My friend handed me her phone at a party while I was also holding a cup of beer and for some reason I just stared straight at her and dipped her phone in the beer.

2.

Taking my husband out for his birthday to his favorite place, auto pilot drove to work and parked. He didn’t say anything because he thought it was hilarious.

3.

I cut up a customer’s credit card when I was working retail. I had several customers in a row that all used gift cards. After a gift card is emptied we were supposed to cut up the card and throw it away. On autopilot I would up swiping somebody’s credit card, cutting it in half, and dropping it in the trash while the customer looked at me very confused. Luckily they were very understanding of repetitive retail work, and didn’t get upset.

4.

I tried to put my laptop in the fridge. I remember being annoyed that there wasn’t any room for it. I was like, ugh if it weren’t for this bottle of ketchup and jar of pickles my laptop could go on this shelf right here… Oh.

5.

Grabbed a roll of toilet paper, walked over to the toilet to replace the empty roll and just tossed the whole roll into the toilet.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.