Jun 11 2018
Image via Giphy
Sending drunk texts has become somewhat of an art since the advent of modern day texting. I mean, it’s never been easier to proclaim your drunken lust for someone with an eggplant emoji and side eye. But sometimes, our drunken technological endeavors turn out horribly wrong.
We’ve all accidentally sent a text to someone who it wasn’t meant for. It’s especially awkward when that text is a recounting of your girlfriend’s amazing blow job that she gave you earlier that now sits on your mother’s phone in shame and disgust. There’s just not a lot you can do to come back from that, bro.
So whether you texted your boss at 4:32 a.m., piss drunk, telling him that you want to impregnate him, or when you sloppily declared how horny were to grandma — there’s nothing like waking up in the morning, head pounding, and realizing the sh*t storm that you and your iPhone have caused.
These are 21 of the worst drunk texts that people have sent:
Ate 3 boxes of peeps on Easter and took the nastiest shit. Tried texting a pic to my group of guy friends but instead sent it to the girl I had been dating for 3 weeks. 2 years later she still brings it up. 2.
“Alright, well I won’t be in. Consider this my resignation.” Sent to my boss (of the job I absolutely love) two days ago. Some-fucking-how, I got my job back. 3.
My dick is yearning to break out of its denim prison. 4.
I once spent a long drunk night declaring my undying love via text message to my friend Marcus, who was alphabetically right next to my girlfriend Molly in my contacts list. I just remember getting really angry and confused that she was acting all weird and sending messages like “dude, you know this is Marcus right?” 5.
Told my boss I’m not going to work the next day because I’m piss drunk with his daughter. 6.
I once told a girl I had a thing for that I wanted to get her boyfriend pregnant. Drunk me thought that this would make her jealous. As an added bonus, she was with her boyfriend at the time, and I ended up calling and talking to them. I don’t remember much of the conversation, but I remember really running with this idea, a la “Our babies would be beautiful, Bobby, think about it. I should get you pregnant.” 7.
In high school I once drunk texted the wrong girl that i was really interested in her. Same name, Taylor, but I sent it to the wrong one. I was too embarrassed to correct the mistake, and it turned out that the Taylor who got the message was VERY interested in me. We dated for 2 years. 8.
I once sent a coke fueled love/foursome offer to three of my female friends. They laughed quite hard at me the next day. Worth a shot though right? It was on Facebook and they were all copied in on the same message. 9.
Blind drunk, asked a girl I was seeing to come over at 4am, she did, doors where locked, I’m passed out in bed, she waited outside for ages. She was not happy. 10.
I once called my boss at 3:30 am and left a voicemail that started with “Hey gurl…” and ended with “Fuck! I just called Russell!” 11.
Meant to text a girl named Molly. Texted my mom saying to come over. Not bad but keep in mind I’m in college 6 hours away. I woke up and saw I texted my mom. Tried to stop her but she was less than 2 hours away. She came in such a hurry she didn’t book a hotel room so she stayed In my dorm room for the night with me and my roommate. 12.
One time I replied to a text with “nah man I’m in bed trying to get some D” I meant to say sleep, but for some reason I only typed 1 letter and must have accidentally hit D since it’s right next to S. 13.
“Stop sending me dick pics!” sent to husband instead of drunk gay friend who was sending me everything on his phone because he thought it was hilarious to watch me get embarrassed at the bar. Spouse was not amused. 14.
I sent my friend a text that just said “Follow your dreams, bitch.” I don’t remember why. 15.
I once accidentally sent ‘being drunk and alone with no girl to hold is one of the worst things ever’ to a female friend when I meant to send it to my girlfriend. She sent me a close up of her nipple. Guess what? When I’m drunk I can’t tell nipples apart. I complimented it and said I’d like to see more. I suddenly got a full frontal nude picture of this friend. I was very confused and went to bed. 16.
“I’m no weather man but you can expect a few inches tonight.” Did not pan out. 17.
“I THOUGHT that was your sexy ass.” Sent it to the printer repair contractor at work instead of my boyfriend. They both have the same first name. 18.
“My dad’s totally gonna know I’m drunk and high” sent text to my dad… He responded, “I do now, you dumb ass.” 19.
I somehow managed to mass text everybody on my contacts list “Where are you?” at 2:30am. I woke up to a shit load of texts, and tried to figure out how it was even possible I did it, then I accidentally resent it again to everybody. 20.
Once I asked a girl if she would eat my cum. After she turned down the offer, I said “Fine, more for me.” 21.
Quite a long text with fairly graphic detail, describing just how much I had enjoyed the blow job I had received from her earlier. Was intended for my GF at the time. Sent it to my mom. I switched the phone off in horror when I realized what I had done. Hoping it would somehow stop it. This was in the early 00’s when sms delivery reports were all the rage. When I plucked up enough courage and switched the phone on. I received the text “Delivered Mom.” Luckily she never mentioned it.