27.
Book: I am a tragedy.
Me: Cool cool, I’ll bear that in mind.
Book: As we’re approaching the end, I remind you that the best tragedies seem like they might have a happy ending until the last minute.
Me: Yup, sure. Gotcha.
Book: He’s dead.
Me: What the hell do you mean, he’s dead?— Fiona Longmuir ? (@EscapologistFi) June 5, 2018
26.
Composite male dating profile: “I am nice & manly. I want you to be attractive in some oddly specific or model-like way, but I also believe that conversation is important. You should talk to me b/c I caught this big fish, which obviously is some kind of innuendo.” #swipeleft
— A. Kelly (@BioLady91) June 6, 2018
25.
My manager pulls me aside ln and tells me to quietly make a reservation for Tom Brady at 8:30…….. I single-handedly tell the entire staff as well as my entire Snapchat contact list. Turns out it was a joke to see who would tell the most people. I’m so fired. There were crowds
— Sarah (@sarahananian) June 8, 2018
24.
“You’re grounded. And you’re grounded. Now I’m grounded. Your dad is grounded. The whole family is grounded.”
Summer break, day 10.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) June 4, 2018
23.
kind of mad that I’m not allowed a dog or a cat in my flat but I can presumably move a baby in any time I want
— Elle Hunt (@mlle_elle) June 6, 2018
