35.
Mother: can you please fix my computer
Me: *leans back in chair* well… well … well … if it isn’t Miss ‘Get Off That Computer’ Years 1994 to 2006
— Cheish (@TheCheish) June 13, 2018
34.
Firmino’s teeth are whiter than the white background ??? pic.twitter.com/FiqVlIxisB
— ?????? (@bubbIxs) June 13, 2018
33.
In order to me be more honest with myself and others, I have started typing “ha” or “chuckled slightly” instead of “lmao” or “lol.” So far I have lost several friends and have been blocked by the rest.
— Quinta (@quintabrunson) June 8, 2018
32.
me collecting information about my enemies pic.twitter.com/p2mW82xxTz
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 14, 2018
31.
30.
29.
28.
27.
26.
How does Ariel know what “reprimand” means but not “feet”
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) June 10, 2018
25.
ahhh summer. long warm evenings. sunsets. barbecues on the beach. dressing like a fourteen year old boy to avoid getting catcalled and then still getting catcalled. frisbee in the park.
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) June 15, 2018
24.
*impatiently waits for the nearest diner to open*
— gabrielle (@ginkgogab) June 15, 2018
23.
RIP to the man who told Alec Baldwin he was "too dumb to pour piss out of a boot" pic.twitter.com/0VeFxV0FvX
— Eliz@beth King (@ekingc) June 8, 2018
22.
If sex is so good howcome they ain’t make a sex 2?
— ?⛓ ?? ???????? ⛓? (@HE_VALENCIA) June 12, 2018
21.
Im a 20 year old Interior decorator from Oregon Help me by Retweeting my next client might be out there ???? pic.twitter.com/WDcJZa8tEw
— kelsey glenn (@tiddygirl69) June 10, 2018
20.
19.
In the middle of having a heart to heart conversation my boyfriend unexpectedly sends me this screen recording… pic.twitter.com/wNlSbzAzNn
— Tee (@Marissa_Tee_) June 15, 2018
18.
my uncle is out here posting picture of his breakfast in jail LMFAO y’all got no excuse to not text back pic.twitter.com/IMuTH0dI7C
— ??? ???? (@araslanian_) June 14, 2018
17.
I gave a little kid some frozen yogurt today at work, and his mom says “okay, what do you say?” And he looks me dead in the eyes and says “I love you” ??????????
— frannie (@emmaaraphael) June 9, 2018
16.
Just your basic average girl and I'm here to save the — whhhhhhhat?! pic.twitter.com/AuEhiRURBb
— ChristyCarlsonRomano (@ChristyRomano) June 12, 2018
15.
Ocean’s 8 makes me feel seen as a woman but also as someone who has tried to organize anything with more than 3 people
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 12, 2018
14.
“All bodies are beach bodies,” I mumble, as Cheetohs fall out of my mouth.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) June 8, 2018
13.
ME: I look cute
MIRRORS: you look cute
STORE WINDOWS: you look cute
OTHER PEOPLE: you look cute
IPHONE FORWARD-FACING CAMERA: what’s up you Shrek-lookin bag of bitch— twenty-kate-teen (@katefeetie) June 10, 2018
12.
My boss texted me this video earlier and said “if you don’t like this, you’re fired.” pic.twitter.com/n9RTuPZeJs
— HobbitQueen (@H0bbitQueen) June 10, 2018
11.
while bartending today, a guy comes in, hands me $40 & says “a woman in a green hat & black shirt is coming in later that’s a FOX. tell her drinks on me.” later she comes in & i tell her about it. she starts laughing & says “that was my husband” ? if that ain’t goals idk what is
— lex (@alexaknierim) June 8, 2018
10.
told my boyfriend I was going to start my period and he said, "AGAIN??"
it's like, you know what, you're right, I'm cancelling my subscription.
— m. diane (@cULTMOTHER) June 11, 2018
9.
*gets pulled over*
*leans close to air vents with eyes wide open to get some tears rolling*
“Sorry I’m a little emotional officer, I’ve never been pulled over”
Comes back after running my license: “it says that you’ve been pulled over 20 times, you almost had me”
Dang
— tab (@tabbycat_23) June 13, 2018
8.
What have you done with the Hamburger Helper Man?! pic.twitter.com/rA38TcL8Xc
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) June 13, 2018
7.
my ex boyfriend called me a house cat. he said, “you nap a lot, you disappear for a few hours & nobody knows wtf you do, you come back around and ask for attention then you push people away and nap again”
the accuracy though
— skye amber (@_skyeamber) June 10, 2018
6.
We stopped outside Arizona for a potty break and it’s 106° outside so I had to put her special booties on pic.twitter.com/i5GOweW4ft
— nanna (@emotobeymaguire) June 11, 2018
5.
being single is all fun and games until you realise it’s a never ending cycle of getting to know someone, they eventually stop texting you, then they watch your Instagram story every day until you die
— senorita ugly (@bex_bambi) June 12, 2018
4.
in sixth grade you were either a cucumber melon bitch or a warm vanilla sugar bitch
— aundrea (@elvisfknchrist) June 13, 2018
3.
My sister is dating a guy named trey so every time I see him I wish him good luck at his basketball game tomorrow and every time he tells me he doesn't play basketball and doesn't know why I keep saying that
— Nikki Phillz ? (@Dr_Phillz) June 12, 2018
2.
My boyfriend and I went out to dinner. An older man accidentally threw his napkin at us and when he went to apologize.. he proceeded to say “I’m sorry that I almost hit you two girls” and I have never laughed so hard in my entire life pic.twitter.com/dTub5MXlNN
— Kylie Fortune (@kyliefortune21) June 11, 2018
1.
can’t find no cups in my house? pic.twitter.com/Psifvgopwu
— JiJi (@jamie2live) June 7, 2018