Personally speaking, I think dicks are pretty gross. They’re veiny, creepy little flesh monsters that serve next to no purpose besides making sure you earn 30% more than women and occasionally getting someone pregnant. But some women just can’t get enough d**k. And I respect that. Which is why I’ve taken the time to compile this list of things you can turn to when your thirst for c**k is purely insatiable. Things like…
1. These veiny, throbbing, dick-shaped lipsticks.
Multiple colors available on Amazon for $15.
2. This rock-hard, but also rock-soft throw pillow.
Get it on Amazon for $8.99.
3. This penis egg-fryer, which is funny because that’s what penises kind of do to a woman’s eggs: fry them.
$6.75 seems like a reasonable price to pay for all of your eggs to look like a penis.
4. This cockfetti, so you can make it rain dicks whenever you want.
5. This giant penis cake mold.
Get it on Amazon for $9.99.
6. Not a fan of cake? What about this ding-a-ling Jello mold?
7. It’s not a party without dueling inflatable wangs.
8. This penis throw pillow, which is admittedly less over-the-top than this one.
On sale for $23.44.
9. These dick earrings.
10. This dick piñata.