7.
Expectation:
You hike to see the Hollywood sign and pose powerfully for a pic, later posting your selfie to Instagram with the caption, “I’m a boss bitch!”
Reality:
You hike to the Hollywood sign and nearly die of heatstroke. On your way up you keep thinking, “Wow… this hike is… really taking a while… It’s only been… an hour… and we’re still not at the top? I should have brought some more water… And worn appropriate walking shoes… And shouldn’t have started my hike at noon…” And when you get to the top you realize, “What the fug, I walked for an hour and a half in the blistering heat for this?? I’m not even that close to it?! I’m not even facing it the right way!”
8.
Expectation:
The food is high-quality. The groceries are high-quality. The service is high-quality, because living in Hollywood is way more luxurious than whatever podunk town you’re from.
Reality:
Is high-quality a synonym for overpriced? A salad costs $15. Gas costs $6 a gallon. Parking costs $25 for three hours. A coffee costs $5 MINIMUM. Groceries are somehow less fresh, and still more expensive?? Your waiter is a starving actor slash writer slash student of the world who definitely pocketed a few of your french fries before bringing your plate out since he’s suffering from the high cost of living, too.
9.
Expectation:
Going to a taping of your favorite TV show is amazing and luxurious. You sit in the studio rubbing elbows with your childhood heroes, and they laugh at your jokes and invite you to a classy dinner party.
Reality:
You sit in the heat for four hours before being patted down and ushered into a studio with 300 people, where they teach the audience how to laugh and clap at all the right parts of the show. One hour later the taping finally starts. That takes about two hours. They call cut, and you wait in line for another hour to take pictures with the actors. You finally sidle up to the star and someone takes your picture as you tell him, “I’m a big fan.” He doesn’t even bother looking you in the eye as he replies sarcastically, “Everyone is a big fan,” and then you’re being ushered away by one of the handlers. You look at the photo on your phone and it’s blurry.
