dating

These People Have Harsh Truths For Members Of The Opposite Sex

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You know what they say — “all is fair in love and war.” Well, you know what I say? I say “f*ck that bullsh*t because it’s that kind of backward and archaic thinking that got us into the mess of 2017.” Why should it be fair for a creepy creep to slide in my DMs with a sexist remark about my boobs and a picture of what I assume to be a very small, disfigured d*ck? Why should girls thinks it’s fair to play mind games about what they ACTUALLY want for dinner when, like, let’s be honest — it’s always Chipotle.

Sometimes, the things that we need to hear, are also the hardest to hear. Of course I don’t (always) assume that I am God’s gift to the world — that’s Beyoncé, duh — but if we don’t check ourselves, and each other every now and then, we’ll end up a bunch of entitled, lazy, annoying hipsters that live off of avocado toast and are ruining the housing market. Oh wait.

When it comes to heteronormative dating, sex, and relationships, men and women tend to think that they already know everything. We like to think that we know how to please, how to navigate tricky conversations, how to pinpoint another person’s orgasm with one flick of the tongue or thrust, but in reality — we give ourselves WAY too much credit. That’s why we must listen to random strangers on the internet to give us a kick in the ass and to shake us off of our pedestal and get down to the nitty gritty of truth.

These people got way harsh about truths for members of the opposite sex:

1.

Writing “there’s no way I could write a short summary of myself” in a dating profile does not make you appear a mysterious, worldly polymath. It shows that you either are not willing to make the effort, or are incapable of analyzing and distilling the essence of a complex subject.

2.

Just cause you make him hard doesn’t mean you’re all that special. A guy can get hard from, as I’ve heard someone say, “a stiff breeze and eye contact.”

3.

If you do online dating and you’re very overweight and you skillfully hide that fact in your photos, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and awkwardness. Ask a friend who’s good with a camera to take a photo of you where you look good but also like yourself. Of course that goes for both sexes. Don’t misrepresent yourself. Do you really want your date to think “that’s not even close to what I saw in those photos”?

4.

There’s a lot of things we don’t understand about you, and need to have explained to us. Please don’t assume we should already know them from being alive.

5.

If you’re constantly going to play hard-to-get, we’re eventually going to give up.

6.

Do not wait until I am in bed and ready for sleep before starting an emotionally intense conversation. It will not go well.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.