I get it — one night stands tend to get a bad rap. You meet a guy at a bar after chugging your fifth vodka soda and he’s funny and nice and even kind of cute. You decide to go back to your place to “watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones” and find yourself scurrying down a rabbit hole of sloppy, drunken sex, some really awkward noises, and a morning filled with smudgy mascara and a pounding headache. Oh, and now you have to figure out how to get this snoring, naked man out of your house so you can enjoy doing literally anything else. Alone.
If you’re a lucky and mature adult, one night stands can be fun AF. Gone are the days of blacking out and f*cking gross strangers — now you are confident enough in yourself and your genitals to meet someone, bang it out while not very heavily under the influence, orgasm, and be on your merry way! If only we could all be so lucky. But for those who are still taking Fireball shots into the wee morning hours while hooking up with that chick you met at that beach music festival and getting sand into every single crevice and orifice of your body and junk — this one’s for you.
Here’s to all of the hungover singles who woke up to their hookup drenched in piss. Here’s to the couple of distant cousins who accidentally f*cked at a family’s wedding reception. Here’s to all of the horny horn dogs all over the world who just want to get some without having to deal with the sheer panic and awkwardness of being picked up the next morning by an Uber driver who also happens to be your one night stand’s dad. I hope you all have many nights of wild sex and debauchery to come! Just make sure you keep the condoms and Advil (and your dignity) at the ready.