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The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

9.

We slept in her bed, which was a cot in the kitchen. She woke me up to introduce me to her 3 children. They were sleeping in the same bed because the youngest had shat the other bed during the night. The same bed she told me to hide in when there was a knock on the door at 8 am. She then introduced me to her pet lovebirds. She informed me she would be naming one of them after me. As I am desperately trying to get the f*ck outta there, she physically removes the stuffed animal from her youngest’s arms to give to me to ‘remember her by’. I did not take the toy from the now-crying toddler.

10.

Not me but my flatmate – he struck gold whilst suitably plastered. He woke up the next day, pleased with himself as he realised he was not alone. Still suitably enamored, he offered to cook her breakfast, tackling the short walk to the shop for bacon and eggs by himself. Alas, all was not well and after 2 hours of knocking on doors he realised he had totally forgotten where she lived. He returned home to me and our stinking flat where he prepared breakfast for us both with a heavy heart and the bluest of balls.

11.

She was actually really cute and she got up to leave so I just said lock the door behind you because super hungover. So finally I make my way out of bed and she had taken all of the food in my house along with my blender like how the fuck did you pull this off?!

12.

Hooked up with a cougar from the bar at which I worked. Woke up the next morning to sounds coming from the kitchen. She says it’s her son. For some reason she also mentions he’s starting a new job that day. I say a brief hello to him as I leave the house. Guess who showed up at my work for training later that day.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.