humor

These 27 Drugged Out Patients Said The Most Ridiculous Things

22.

My Dad had eye surgery a few years ago to fix a partially detached retina. He’s a funny guy without drugs, so naturally he was extra goofy with the nurses after his surgery, joking around a ton and whatnot. Anyway, my Mom took him to a deli for some food (he hadn’t eaten all day), and instead of ordering a sandwich, he ordered a salad, which was impossible for him to eat with his drugged up hand-eye coordination. He then proceeds to go to the bathroom and fall asleep at the urinal, only waking up when my Mom sends someone in to check on him.

23.

“How my new penis look?” A patient after waking up after elbow surgery.

24.

I had surgery for endometriosis. So there I am, just coming out of the anesthesia, and my hands are just going everywhere, like they have a mind of their own. I was rubbing my face and mumbling and then I felt an itch by my pubic area. So naturally I tried to scratch it. I then realize that they shaved my pubes. I began crying and moaning about how my pubes were gone, that it was going to take forever to grow them back, and that I really missed them. At one point I believe I was sobbing that they needed to put them back on me. I’m really fun after surgeries and epidurals.

25.

When my friend woke up from general anesthesia after his kidney stone removal surgery he turned to the anesthesiologist, locked eyes, and dead straight mumbled, “…Did you break my dongus?” The poor guy has to excuse himself from the room he was laughing so hard. Never came back.

26.

My friends sister was slowly waking up after a surgery and was still a bit out of it from the meds. Her family came into the room and asked how she was feeling and her response was “I feel fine but man that nurse is a bitch.” As the nurse was standing next to her. Luckily the nurse was able to laugh about it with them!

27.

Coming out of it, my mom asked me if I took Tasha to school. It was 7pm and Tasha was my cat.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.