Posted on: Nov 29 2017

These Are The Absolute Worst Pieces Of Advice People Have Ever Gotten

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Asking people for advice can be hit or miss. Like, do I really want to know the truth when I ask my boyfriend for advice about my money spending habits? F*CK no — because he’ll try to tell me that I don’t need to throw away hundreds of dollars a month on rosé and “stupid sh*t I don’t need” — i.e. socks with cute baby animals on them and Korean skincare face masks that make me look like a serial killer. I’ll have the last unwrinkled laugh, though.

One should always take advice with a little grain (or the whole shaker) of salt. When it’s your friends and family members telling you to think twice about a sh*tty relationship or precarious money situation, it’s probably best to listen to them. But when your annoying coworker or biased classmate tries to spew off some sh*t about not being able to get pregnant when the girl’s on top, so you’re “all good, bro” — take that advice and throw it right back at their face. And maybe give their girlfriend some money for diapers because she’s definitely knocked up.

It’s nice to get another person’s input from time to time, but just remember that you are the master of your own universe. And the internet exists for a reason. When your dad is telling you point blank that anything besides sex doesn’t count as cheating, maybe cruise on over to Google and become friends with the millions of internet users who beg to differ. And when your faced with illness? Maybe don’t listen to your overly holistic aunt because sometimes you need more than a juice cleanse to kick cancer’s ass. Advice from the right people can be perfectly welcomed and useful, but more often than not, people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

These people got terrible advice from some truly stupid people:


1.

When I was in high school I had a friend who was not the smartest. I remember him telling me if I didn’t want to get a woman pregnant, then she should be on top so the sperm can’t flow up. He became a father his sophomore year.

2.

“Don’t quit your job at Wal-Mart! You’ve been here for three years! Just seven more and you’ll be fully vested in the company!”

3.

“You know, son, there really is no such thing as cheating if you aren’t married. The Bible doesn’t recognize any relationship that isn’t bound in the covenant of the Lord. So until you are married, relationships don’t really exist.” “Thanks Dad, you just indirectly explained why you’re on your third marriage.”

4.

I called Kids Help Phone when I was a teen to ask for advice on how to help my depressed friend. They advised I find new friends. I wish I was making this up.

5.

When my marriage was on the rocks my dad said “Son, go out and find yourself an older woman that just wants to f**k and keep your marriage. She (wife) doesn’t have to know, you’ll be getting laid and the older woman will be happy without a commitment.” Thankfully I didn’t go that route, and my marriage is repaired and stronger than ever today.
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