Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand

9.

I don’t want to sleep with you, I’m just nice because that’s what my mother taught me to be.

10.

Just how often teenage boys get boners. Dicks get hard super easily. I’m 17, I got a stiffy from a Shakespeare quote yesterday. My dick literally gets aroused by anything. Talking about the Hurricane? Boner. My knees touch each other? Boner.

11.

My d*ck does not bend like a slinky during sexy time! Don’t move your hips to the moon and back, you’ll just break my little friend. A little rotation is good, but not like the f*cking space station from interstellar.

12.

That rubbing my inner labia (note: this is not where you locate the clit) vigorously isn’t doing anything for me honey, that is other then giving me a friction burn.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.