13. This guy fell spectacularly … in love.
“Back in college, I was invited to an ice rink with a girl I liked and some of her friends. I did not know how to ice skate and I did not pick it up very quickly but I wanted to try and impress her somehow. Well, I hugged the wall the whole time and made a fool of myself. The highlight was when I saw a flash of light as I fell in front of a group of people. Turns out I had fallen right at the moment someone took a picture so my failure was immortalized forever. She took me back to my apartment and ended the relationship before it began.
On a lighter note, the woman who is now my wife was at that ice rink on that night. We didn’t realize we were there the same time until a year or two into our relationship and she exclaimed ‘You were that guy who couldn’t ice skate! Yeah, she didn’t seem that into you.’”
14. I don’t think he’s offering to fix her A/C …
“Guy told me he just recently got out of a long-term relationship so he wasn’t looking for a commitment but asked me if he could be my ‘maintenance man’ as he stroked his penis through his jeans.”
15. Um, would you rather just go on a date with yourself, buddy?
“Meet a guy from OKCupid. He seems nice, but never stops talking. After interrupting me for the 3rd or 4th time, I finally ask him ‘Do you want to hear anything I have to say?’ He apologizes profusely, says ‘You’re right, I’m so sorry!’ and pulls out a pad of paper and a pen. He then jots notes as I’m telling him about myself and whatnot. I finally ask him what he’s doing and he says ‘Oh, I’m writing down things I want to tell you when it’s my turn to talk again.’”
16. This is why you always double-check your texts before hitting “send.”
“I was on a first date with a girl I had met through doing some community theatre. We’d gone to the movies to see Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs. Before the movie, we were chatting and slowly realizing that it definitely wasn’t meant to work out. We just had too many conflicting interests and opinions. It made the experience incredibly uncomfortable, especially because we started lightly arguing over things like politics and religion. I was young and I was an idiot.
Anywho, before the movie started I texted another friend of mine to tell her (the friend) how terribly the date was going. And then I heard that fateful sound. Immediately after clicking “send” on my phone, my date’s phone chimed. She pulled it out of her purse and read whatever text had come in. She then slowly turned to me and asked …
‘Did you MEAN to send that to me?’”
17. I guess this is one of the few clowns who doesn’t appreciate being a punchline …
“Not the worst, but definitely the weirdest. I was on a date with this girl who seemed great. Good looking, funny, shared similar interests. First date, and we’re sitting in some bar that she’s a regular at discussing ourselves, when it starts getting to the basic first date questions.
‘So, you said you work in an office but is that what you really want to do?’ I asked. ‘Did you go to school for it?’
‘Actually…’ She says, reaching into her bag. ‘I’m currently going to clown school.’
I shit you not, this girl had pulled out a red fucking clown nose and put it on. Now, if this was our third date, I would have been less shocked. However, we had been talking for a week and this is the first date. We are supposed to IMPRESS each other. But she was good looking, and I wanted to hook up.
‘Oh! That’s so cool. I didn’t know clown school was actually a thing.’
‘Oh, no, it’s competitive!’
‘I had no idea. So are you in clown university, clown college, clown technical school?’
And then she took my joke as an attack.
For a clown she had a terrible sense of fucking humor.”