The Internet Renamed 15 Animals and We’re Literally DYING

13. Pantless Thunder-Goose (n.)

A naked bird known to streak at majestic speeds of up to 43 miles-per-hour.

“I actually saw a Pantless Thunder-Goose farm yesterday, and let me tell you, those places are certified nudist colonies on speed—oh c’mon, that was a good joke!”

 

14. Delicious McNugget Pigeon (n.)

A grounded avian known for its tasty meat pumped with growth hormones and obesity-causing sugars.

“Nah dude, McNuggets aren’t actually made out of Delicious McNugget Pigeons — it’s just a bunch of little processed Delicious McNugget Pigeons parts squished together. Disgusting!”

 

15. Furry Nope (n.)

A large, furry mammal that looks deceivingly cuddly but can actually tear out a human’s neck with one swipe of a talon-pricked paw.

“If you ever encounter a Furry Nope in the woods, you don’t have to outrun it. You just have to outrun the slowest person you’re with.”

furry nope

Written by Samantha Grasso

Journalist, Austinite