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TSA Agents Reveal The Weirdest Things People Have Actually Tried To Smuggle

We all roll our eyes a little bit when getting in line to go through a TSA checkpoint. You have to take off your shoes, your watch, remember to remove your belt, then start sweating bullets as you remember your silver bracelet’s still on and it’s too late to take it off and uh oh, will you go to jail forever if it gets detected?

Well, those checkpoints are there for a reason, as you’ll quickly realize when these TSA agents tell you all about the weirdest stuff people have thought “I can get away with this” and tried to smuggle through.

1.

“I once had a request for private screening, which we usually took to mean that we were about to see something weird. The bag was incredibly heavy. After we go behind a curtained-off area, the passengers show me six blocks of mixed metal, four huge bags of random pieces of gold, and two bags of human teeth. Apparently, the couple made a killing off of buying teeth from a crematorium, melting out the fillings, and selling the resulting metal. It smelled bad.” – redmage311

2.

“As an airport security worker, I have seen all kinds of things try to go through, chainsaws, blowtorches and the worst one was … chloroform, a one-liter bottle of chloroform.” – B00dle

3.

“Good lord, we find lots of weird/unusual things that a normal person would never ever need. I’m sure if I kept thinking I’d think of something better, but this stands out right now — a young child, about 12, had recently returned from South America with his family and ended up going through the body scanner and we found six small turtles in his cargo pants pockets. Border security was called in, the turtles had to be taken and tested for foreign diseases, and his parents were fined $2,000.” – mm94

4.

“I once had to call law enforcement and write a huge report because some kid left a toy gun in a bag (granted, it was metal, and the x-ray image was extremely scary-looking). My manager called it a ‘realistic replica,’ even though it clearly had an orange cap on it and everything.” – redmage311

5.

“I watched a man argue about a 1/5th of vodka for 10 minutes, chug it, then promptly have a heart attack. That was certainly weird.” – ErrorlessGnome

6.

“I process military flights and you wouldn’t believe the crap people try to smuggle to and from operational theatres. Smoke grenades (‘I forgot I had them!’), pen flares (‘But it’s not prepared to fire though’), a magazine full of 5.56 rounds (‘I didn’t know it had to be empty’), and knives of all sizes hidden behind plates in body armor.” – JLBate

7.

“Former ramp agent here, we processed an ’emotional support goose’ — apparently, it acted as a soothing flight buddy for the passenger … not sure how that works!” – RoightThen

8.

“Believe or not, a high powered magnet. … This thing was so powerful that, while still in the bag, was ripping off the rollers on our conveyor and literally took three adult men to get off. If you put this thing around 1.5 feet from a metal object and weren’t holding it properly, it would fly out of your hand. This idiot who was working that day had braces, and if I didn’t stop him he probably would’ve ripped out all his teeth. Just so strange and random. We didn’t let him take it with him.” –  SuperSaiyanNoob

9.

“My uncle brought this thing called a bottom buddy. It’s an extender so fat people with little arms can reach their a– to wipe. He told the security guard that if she doesn’t let him on the plane, the people around him will be [in for] a bad time.” – iDoctor

 

h/t: theCHIVE