13. Why didn’t your friend ever call me after our date? Hey, wanna go out?

Do you even hear yourself?
14. I haven’t showered in a week.

In the words of Ludacris, is that supposed to make me “wanna li-li-li-lick you from yo' head to yo' toes”? Because it most certainly does NOT.
15. I don’t believe in feminism.

Okay – bye, Felicia!
Sadly, I’ve had too many of these said to me. Hopefully you have better luck with the human race.