14. This guy who clearly just never thought about umbilical cords in depth:
Not necessarily the opposite sex, but I was having my boyfriend feel a weird part of my bellybutton and he said “Man they mustve pushed yours in wrong” and I was like “????”. Apparently he thought that doctors push the umbilical cord in when youre born and thats how bellybuttons are made. Hes 21.
13. This party poppin dude:
That the tampon string just hangs out there, making a girl look like a party popper.
12. This chick who was very concerned about the mechanics of doing it:
Took me until high school to realize that the penis needs to get hard in order to enter the vagina. The sex ed we had in grade school was ok–it talked all about the reproductive organs and what they do, but nothing about how actual intercourse worked. I spent too long wondering how the heck a floppy penis was supposed to get inside that small hole.
EDIT: I realize that I never specified if I was a guy or a girl (the comment replies are hilarious)…I may be female, but I identify as a chocolate poptart, so take that for what you will.
11. This guy who should have just let it be:
Oh man. This reminds me of the argument I got into with a buddy in high school. We were actually waiting for bio class to start, and I guess it was an anatomy unit or something. We would have been 16 or 17 at the time. Anyway, i dont remember how we got on the subject but he ended up saying girls pee from their clitoris.
I said “dude, they dont. Trust me. They really don’t. The clitoris is basically just for pleasure.” Now, my grades weren’t as good as his, so naturally he assumed I was wrong. However, my grades weren’t as good because I was chasing girls. So really, his became one of the few things I knew from experience that he did not.
He continued insisting they pee from their clitoris. And eventually said “do you want me to embarrass you in front of the class and just ask Ms. Whatever?”
I said “I promise you I will not be embarrassed and I beg you not to ask her this question in a room full of girls.”
But he did. He asked it. He got her attention, stood up, and said “Ms. Whatever can you please explain to SimpleDan that girls pee from their clitoris?”.
The silence that followed was….unsettling. I felt terrible for him, but at the same time he was stubborn and didn’t believe me because he had better grades. I’ll never forget the look she gave him before quickly remembering she isnt supposed to judge students questions, especially in that subject. She explained plotitely that they did not in fact pee from their clitoris, and reminded him of the urethra. He turned a shade of red you usually only see on clowns, sat down and didnt speak to me for the rest of the day.
10. This guy who probs disappointed so many women:
Had a friend who only figured out what a clitoris was in a game of Cards Against Humanity at the ripe age of 26. He was the one judging the cards in a game with 3 guys and 4 girls. Someone played the clit card. He read the card aloud and goes, “I don’t even know what that is”.
Awkward silence ensued. Never felt so bad for someone in my life.
9. This guy who is so old, yet so clueless:
my wife’s manager (single male, 56+) made a comment 3 years ago that if you get PMS cramps and blood during period, you should see a doctor immediately. the entire office still made fun of him till this day.
8. This one-balled dude:
Not about opposite sex but still kind of fits the criteria.
I have a friend who has one testicle. When he was born, he had one removed due to birth complications (urethra wrapped around it, I think). His parents never mentioned it to him so as he grew, he believed having one testicle was normal. As he got into middle school, other kids kept making jokes about balls. He thought they were funny because of how people referred to multiple testicles and just played it off as part of the joke. In seventh grade, he discovered porn and realized the men in the videos all have two testicles. He confronted his parents in a really awkward conversation afterwards.
For those who are curious, the one testicle grew larger to carry the weight of missing the other one. It’s roughly in the shape of a gently flattened ball of playdoh.
7. These ladies who didn’t even know about the trough:
So we were having dinner a few weeks ago, and my wife (28) and my mother in law (54) said something to me about how I shouldn’t take our daughter into a mens restroom now that we’re potty training her. I said that they aren’t dirtier than women restrooms and every time “IAMA Janitor, AMA!” comes up one reddit, that they always claim that women restrooms are far worse than mens. They said it wasn’t because of cleanliness, they just didn’t want our daughter to see a bunch of old mens dicks at urinals. I think there’s a still a dent in the floor from where my jaw hit it. I argued with them for at least 5 minutes that its nothing like whatever they’ve concocted in their head. I then informed them that the only time in my life I have ever seen another mans dick in a public bathroom was at a baseball game in the 90s back when they had the old aluminum trough style urinals where everyone would crowd around.
Anyway, When I explained that there as dividers and men stand so close to them that you can’t see them unless you’re taller than the divider and standing at a urinal looking down at their junk, they were shocked. They thought everyone just saw each other dicks in the bathroom. Like we just run around flapping in the wind or something.
My mother in law then said that they did the same thing for my wife when she was little girl, they would never take her into a mens restroom. I asked my father in law why he never said anything and he just shrugged. I want to try and get a photo of a bunch of guys peeing in urinals to prove my point… but there’s that whole issue of the fact that I would have to take a picture of a bunch of guys peeing in urinals in order to prove me point.
6. This woman who doesn’t know what flies are for:
My wife thought men pull their pants all the way down at urinals and asked if it wasn’t weird to see all those butts anytime I had to take a leak.
5. This chick who was in for a messy surprise:
I didn’t know that men ejaculated. I don’t know why. I was in for a big surprise the first time I had sex….I was 19 years old.