Women often find it strange how little men seem to share with one another concerning emotions, fears, desires, etc. Of course, this doesn’t mean men do not have these feelings—it simply means they do not feel comfortable talking about them, even with people they care about.
Lucky for them, then, that the Internet exists. Specifically Reddit, where the anonymity prerequisite makes confessions and the ensuing life tips an easy breezy lemon squeezy click away.
“Men of reddit,” Redditor positivemale asked the AskMen community on Tuesday, “how often do you miss being in a relationship?”
He followed the question up with a small backstory.
“I’m not sure what I’m yearning for, but I’m currently traveling somewhere in Europe, all alone. Everywhere I go now, whether it’s the airport, my hotel, walking down the street, etc, I constantly notice couples and ‘love.’
Weird that I didn’t really notice this back at home. Just as a backstory, I got cheated on (5 year relationship) by my ex about 3 years ago, and ever since then I’ve never dated or been in a relationship. It was a traumatizing experience at first, but then as time went on, I really started to enjoy my own company and didn’t even want to be in a relationship.
But this trip has me thinking otherwise? I mean, I’m not sure if I miss being in love, or just having a companion, but I’m yearning for something and I don’t know what. Have you guys felt something like this?”
Had they ever!
“I relate to this so much. After going through a rough time myself, I took a long break from relationships to find myself and figure out my issues. Around 3 years.
In that time I grew to be comfortable being alone. After recently figuring out my personal life, Ive been yearning for companionship and love.
That feeling you’ve been having lately, is your gut and your heart telling you that you’re ready again.”
When I’m in a relationship, there is this constant background hum of feeling desired, appreciated and loved. No matter how content I am as a single person, there is the 15 or 20 percent of happiness I can only get from being physically intimate and affectionate with someone who truly wants me.
There really is no substitution for that.
My wife passed away a year ago. The thing I miss most is not having a confidant who knows my history. So many times, something happens that I want to tell her, but she’s no longer here so I can’t. It’s often something that I really can’t talk to anyone else about. That makes me feel lonely more than anything else.
Kind of miss it. I miss being able to share my day with someone. The sex/cuddling is always fun but being able to create new memories with someone is what I miss the most.
I wish I were in a good relationship all the time, but am very cautious, bad relationships are way worse than just being lonely. In flying we used to always say, it’s better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than in the air wishing you were on the ground.
Freshly divorced here. I have also found that there is a sense of peace and calm that I can’t seem to achieve with someone else present (or texting/chatting/expecting me).
I am working on finding the right balance. The one thing I did learn though is that if you compromise what you know to be right in order to achieve that feeling of being appreciated and loved, you will be left without it in the end.
Almost all of my close friends are either married or in long term relationships. Many of them have children now. It’s impossible to not notice that I’m the 13th wheel when we get together. It’s hard to not be a little sad about it. I really wish I was bringing a date to “Friendsgiving” this weekend.
This feeling comes and goes for me.
I had a pretty bad breakup a few years back with some ultra shitty circumstances involved and it set me back. I’ve been single for 5 years now but I like to think of some of the benefits:
1. My career took off about a year after my break up because I was able to dedicate a lot more time to work.
2. My bank account is much larger than it would be if I were still in a relationship.
3. Do what I want, when I want to.
4. My health has improved by spending more time in the gym. I know this is achieved by men in relationships but not for me.
However, none of this can fix feeling lonely at night. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen. It sucks but that feeling won’t be my driving force towards finding a relationship.
I miss feeling… desired.
It’s not constant. It usually occurs at work when, in a relationship, you’d get little messages that pick up your mood/day, or at night when you’d just be cuddling and watching a new Netflix series or something. That’s what I miss. I got a tattoo the other day… I drove an hour to get tattooed alone like most people do, but there was a young couple next to me and when they were paying she said “well what’s mine is his”.
That kind of companionship is what I miss most as well. But being single is cool sometimes too.
I lost my partner on September 28th of this year. This feeling you describe has been my constant companion since she died almost 6 weeks ago. We had our issues both as individuals and as a couple and were separated but we never stopped loving each other and we always knew that when the shit was at its deepest, we could count on each other.
Now I need her support and comfort more than ever and it’s because she is gone. So much has happened in 6 weeks and that yearning to be able to tell her is paralyzing. I hope you can find some peace in your loss and find a way to move on. Nobody deserves the kind of grief you and I have felt and continue to feel.
I’m fine on my own, always have been. Lived all over the world and have had many adventures. That being said, now I am older and wish I had someone to share experiences with. Something changed and I don’t feel the same joy as I used to when traveling by myself.
I would say I miss that all the time however I do like the freedom and time available to me now to “work on myself”.