entertainment

These 19 People Have Fail-Proof Excuses for Anything

5.

My husband and I once told his friend (who was a guest in OUR home) that WE had to leave because my brothers car died and he needed to borrow our jumper cables. We finally got him and his date in their car, so we made a loop and came back home…..to find them still there, in our driveway. We pretended we forgot….something, got it and left again. We drove back by our house about 20 minutes later and they were still there. It was over an hour later when we finally got to go back home. Fucking asshole seriously did NOT know how to take a hint.

6.

In college my room mate used to be straight up addicted to World of Warcraft. It didn’t matter what was going on, he wasn’t getting off that computer for four hours. We’d have parties in the house & he wouldn’t leave his room. One night we’re having stormy weather & the news says a tornado touched down near us. Everyone runs to the basement like we’re told to do. Except him. He just basically ignores us. Finally I hear what sounds like a freight train upstairs, so I run upstairs, see a sideways tree across the street, & yell at him “IT’S HERE GET THE FUCK DOWNSTAIRS!!” He realizes he should go, so he types “gtg tornado” & just runs with me. Apparently they were really pissed.

7.

I cut my foot earlier and my shoe is filling up with blood.. hobble away.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.