lifestyle

19 Roommate Horror Stories That Will Make You Want to Live Alone

5.

My old roommate was dating a good friend of mine. One day, after her spending the night, the went out for lunch. His dog came out of his room with a tissue in her mouth, I stopped her, grabbed it and went to throw it out when my hand felt really wet. It was a condom, fully loaded, and when I grabbed it I guess I squeezed it because my hand was now covered in my roommates cum. It’s been years and I still haven’t told him about it.

6.

It was just a disaster from start to finish. She has three dogs, & the amount of hair & dirt they produce you had to sweep & vacuum once a week. She didn’t work, I did, full time server. She never cleaned, once. I did the dishes, I mopped the floors, & I took care of the dogs I would come home 10pm from working all day, make dinner clean the kitchen & go to bed. Wake up to her having had people over that night, probably getting high drunk what ever & the kitchen is now trashed with fast food & dishes. So I’d get to clean again just so I could make breakfast. Oh yea her friends, really nice people all around but they would come over ALL THE TIME. They would come over unannounced & walk right in. Eventually I just gave up, other than taking care of the dogs. I kept my room & bathroom clean & just stayed out of the house as much as possible.

7.

My roommate was from Appalachia, West Virginia. Gets drunk and catches a “mess of squirrels.” Brings them inside the apartment house. They’re all in the same damn cage. When he opens it up to clean one before cooking it, they all shoot out and run off. Dude stumbles around trying to catch them all again. Knocking shit over.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.