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21 Doctors Confess The Dumbest Things They Have Ever Heard From A Patient

5.

People taking birth control pills only on the days they have sex.

6.

After putting a few stitches in a middle-aged guy’s scalp, the family asked if he was OK. The attending joked that his brain was still inside. The family were stunned by this news. I, the medical student, spent the next half hour informing the family that the brain was inside the skull and that a person couldn’t live without one. They thought that the “brain” was just a turn of phrase to reflect a person’s common sense rather than an actual organ. Sort of the same as what they thought about the “heart”.

7.

I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn’t matter “because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it throughly after every use.” I asked what she meant when she said he washes it after every use. She explained that he washed the condom with hot water and soap before he used said condom again. I had to explain to her that condoms are a one time use product.

8.

My dad is a family doctor in the states. A woman came in for a well baby check with her 6 month old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby’s bottle. So he started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldn’t be giving her baby chocolate milk at which point she interrupts him and says “oh that isn’t chocolate milk. It’s coffee! He just loves it!”

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.