23 People Confess The Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened To Their Butt

7.

My wife and I went to a wedding in the middle of summer. She had a giant metal keyring (6 inches in diamter) on her keys. It had fallen off in the seat. So it sat in a car that was over 100 degrees for over two hours. When we came back to the car She had on a skirt and went to sit on it unknowingly. She screamed and jumped up and pulled up her skirt to show me. She had a giant red circle branded into her ass. I laughed while she cried.

8.

Constipation so bad that I had to literally dig it out with a spoon. Happened about 4 weeks ago, a result of taking a lot of Dihydrocodeine for many years. Senna tablets couldn’t keep up so I ended up severely blocked with stool that was rock hard. After 4 hours of pain and with nothing moving (despite two enemas) I grabbed a spoon and dug that shit out. Mission accomplished.

9.

When I was 6 or 7 I put toothpaste in my butthole.

10.

Sledding on the bluff in my uncle’s backyard. Hit a jump, sled flew out from under me, landed on a rusty metal pipe hidden under the snow. Tailbone shatters. Stand up in shock. Cue involuntary diarrhea. Had to waddle all the way back up to his house. Driven to the doctor (I laid down in the car). Doctor sticks his finger up my butt. Gives me a donut pillow. I have to fly home a couple days later. Most uncomfortable flight ever.

11.

After giving birth no one warned me that the first poop is the most difficult. I strained way too hard and ending up with an Anal fissure (aka ripped asshole). Incredibly painful and my bits were already in agony from having pushed out a small person only days prior. I ended up at the doctors and that sadist BASTARD rammed his UNLUBRICATED fingers into my poor butthole during his examination. I was not a happy camper.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.