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23 People Confess The Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened To Their Genitals

9.

To be honest, I was negligent with my penis for a very long time. I’m uncircumcised, and for a long time, I didn’t masturbate. No one taught me what it was or how to do it, so when I figured it out, I was excited. But before that, I had to tackle the massive challenge that was my dick. You see, there wasn’t much to my hygienics when I was a kid. So I would say my grossest moment was when I was literally pulling nuggets of smegma from underneath my foreskin. Oh god, please don’t make it to front page. This is horrifying.

10.

Sitting on the toilet, quietly enjoying a crap and a smoke. Casually flicked the ash in between my legs without paying attention and some hot embers came off and burnt my knob. That took days to recover!

11.

The zipper. OMG the zipper!

12.

I once stabbed my manhood with a pair of scissors. This was when I first started getting lots of pubes and decided that it was time to start gardening them a little bit, I was 15 I think. I found a pair of scissors that I think belonged in my mothers sewing kit and started hacking away, not a care in the world. One slip later and I’m intense agony, I look down to see a small cut towards the base of my knob with blood seeping out of it. In a panic I grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped the old chap in it so it resembled an Egyptian mummy. Not wanting to reveal my predicament to my parents I elected to curl up into the fetal position and pray that there would be no long lasting effects of my topiary accident. I am pleased to report that there have been no side effects in the four years since and there is no evidence of said cut. I now take extra care with my pubic trimming.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.