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23 Things That Happen During Sex That Pornos Never Show

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

When you watch porn you think to yourself “man that’s hot, I want try that move”. Then you try the move, and it’s just hard to duplicate. You also catch yourself thinking “why doesn’t it look like that when I have sex?”

Well, let me tell you! Because porn sex isn’t all that realistic. Many factors that are present in normal sex aren’t shown, giving off the appearance of an “ideal scenario”. It’s loud, it’s kinky, and there’s no muss, no fuss. Cum stains? Doesn’t happen. Awkward silence? No way. Flaccid d*cks? IMPOSSIBLE!

Porn leaves you with crazy high expectations, especially if you watched a sh*t ton of it before ever actually having sex. Virgins assume sex is porno style 24/7. I mean, it’s wonderful, but it’s not a kink fest all the dang time. Sex is exhausting, messy, and unpredictable. It’s really not much like pornos, and you find upon inspection that a whole lot of stuff is missing in porn that makes them hard to actually relate to. So let me leave you with this reasonable question… “WHERE ARE ALL THE TISSUES AND TOWELS?!”

These 23 things happen during sex but are never shown in pornos:

1.

When the guy finishes inside the girl, in movies he just rolls off, lays there, & falls asleep. She lays there & does the same, or rolls to her side & faces him & smiles. They don’t account for the stream of cum dripping out of her, or his sticky d*ck making the sheets all nasty. Apparently they’re just going to sleep in that mess. My wife & I do this little shimmy off the bed together, then clean up.

2.

The wet spot on the sheets. Why is it always on my side of the bed? I swear we could have sex on the washing machine and when I get into bed there will be a wet spot on my side.

3.

Your boner slipping out, but you go to jam it in before realizing it slipped out, and jamming it into her taint, injuring both parties. Sometimes hard enough to end the whole affair.

4.

Somehow I always get the girl’s hair in my buttcrack after sex. I have zero idea how.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.