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27 People Confess Secrets They’re Taking to The Grave

10.

I once took a week-long trip to London. My mother asked me to get her a small rock from there, because neither of us have ever been out of the country. So, I spend the whole trip looking for this rock, and finally find the perfect one. Fantastic, she’ll love it when I get back. So I get home, I’m taking inventory of all of my souvenirs, and the rock is gone. I immediately think back to where I last saw it, it was on the bedside table in the hotel in london. Shit. So I quickly run outside and find a decent rock. I clean it off (we live in Georgia, freaking red clay is noticeable af) and wrap it nicely. I eventually gave it to her with the story “I got it from a castle”. It’d break her heart to know that I got it from our backyard.

11.

My dad was a biker. He died in a motorcycle accident. He had this huge old garage/barn that he spent hours in. I was cleaning it out with my sister & we found a locked briefcase buried in a cupboard. We popped the lock & it was full of women’s clothing. Stockings, lingerie, things like that. And definitely not my mom’s size. I was pissed. He had been cheating on her. Then I got into his AOL accounts because I had to go in to shut his accounts down. There I found all of these screen names that he had made over the years. Every one of them had to do with stockings & panties. That’s when I realized that the clothing in the briefcase wasn’t a woman’s. It was his. I found tons of gay porn on his computer as well. My sister & I swore never to tell & we got rid of all of the evidence. My mom is extremely conservative & it would kill her to find out.

12.

I threw rocks at the school with one of my best mates and some other student taddled on us. Basically we both got the paddle (basically they smack your bum) and they sent a letter home to my dad. My dad received the letter and I lied to him and said I never threw the rocks. My dad bless his heart believed me and took it to our school principle and convinced him that I wouldn’t lie about such things. Since the principle wanted to rectify it for my dad’s sake, he offered me a free voucher for an ice cream as an apology. It’s 15 years down the track now, and I still feel really bad for it. I feel like if I told my dad now it would break his heart.

13.

I had a neighbor that constantly left a mess in the yard & they let they kids just run around f*cking up the entire neighborhood. I tried to sort it out civilly with them by asking them to stop doing things that pissed off everyone, but the only response I got was that I was racist & they would target me. I decided to respond in kind & made a anonymous tip to the cops that they were selling drugs. One day I come home from school, the whole neighborhood is outside on the street & the asshole’s house had cop cars & a van outside. I see the mother & father getting led out in cuffs. They searched the house & ended up finding a f*ckton of pills, coke, & weed. Since they had kids the hammer came down on the HARD for that & in the end they were both arrested for dealing & the kids were taken away. Not sure if it was the right thing, & I will never let anyone know.

14.

About 6 or 7 years ago I created a video together with my former boss. He was really passionate about it. After we put it up on Youtube I commented “awesome!” with my private account from home. The next day he was really excited about this comment. Didn’t know it was me and I’m going to keep it a secret. It is the only comment this video ever got (at least the last time I saw it).

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.