entertainment

27 People Had to Explain Ridiculously Simple Things to Idiots

10.

A coworker was following a recipe and asked me if the instructions that said 16 ounces of water was the same as 16 cups of water. I had to explain to a 60 year old woman that and ounce and a cup were two different things… hence them being called two different things.

11.

Why dry humping with clothes on cannot possibly result in pregnancy.

12.

Birth defects cannot be acquired after birth. Medication used in children may say they can cause birth defects. But since your child is already born, and hopefully not pregnant we should be good.

13.

I had to explain to a grown ass man that onions are perishable. He argued that because they are not refrigerated in the store, they couldn’t possibly be a perishable item. I run a storage facility… our lease states that the storage of “all food” is prohibited. He was not contesting the fact that the onions were food, only that they are not perishable, and therefore he should be allowed to store them. I don’t even care if he stores onions! My problem was that he was slicing them in the bathroom and then wandering around the building with bags and bags of sliced onions stinking up the place! And oh god.. when I had to explain to him that onions smell bad, he accused me of being racially insensitive to his people’s cuisine.

14.

Every year for the last four years, on the 4th of July, I have posted, on Facebook, an image of Queen Elizabeth with a caption that read, “The colonies are quite rowdy tonight.” And every single year there is at least one person who needs this explained in great detail.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of thelazygurl.com.