The Internet is pretty freakin’ useful — you can use it to find your next go-to boozy brunch spot, dig up dirt on a blind Tinder date, or binge-watch your favorite shows from your tween years (“As Told By Ginger” was so underrated!). The list is literally infinite.
But, while we can’t imagine modern life without the web, certain corners of the internet are less-than-life-changing. You might even say pointless.
Might as well embrace the all-powerful Internet in all its strangeness.
Here are 15 animals we would much rather refer to by their “Internet names” than by their real ones.
1. Velocirabbit (n.)
A wild, hopping creature than hails from Jurassic Park, Australia.
“Trust me, those Velocirabbits Kanga and Roo from Winnie the Poo were truly savage hoppers IRL.”
2. Nutbastard (n.)
The fluffy-tailed thief who stole half your fries after you set them down for JUST A FUCKING SECOND.
“I swear to God, I will start throwing pebbles at that nutbastard if she dares come down that tree and takes a stab at my hamburger again!”
3. American Murder Log (n.)
A scaly, wood-like reptile that floats in swampy areas and feeds on unsuspecting Florida Men.
“Believe you and me, Bucky. I saw that American Murder Log and zipped my swamp boat outta there as fast as possible, but Fido was already good as dead.”
— Jarod K. Anderson (@JarodAnderson) March 22, 2016