Sometimes, the desperation emanating off a text message is tangible enough to taste. Whether it’s a late-night booty call, a digital olive branch from your ex or a come-on by that one coworker who’s just been biding his (or her!) time, some messages are just better left unsent.
But for the thirst traps that do find their way into your inbox, the best salty serum is cold, hard rejection—a dish best served with sides of sarcasm and jokes.
Should you find yourself in need of one such perfect response, check out these 13 texts for inspiration. (Or better yet, just don’t respond at all.)