Posted on: Aug 11 2017

These 25 Couples Cannot Tell Their Kids How They Actually Met

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Asking your parents how they met can be such a gamble. Sure, some were high school sweethearts and have never touched another person’s genitals (okay mom and dad), but some of our parents were the freakiest of freaky freaks. Like, yeah, I know the people that gave me life had/have active sex lives, and I know they had to meet their lover somehow, but I really don’t want to think about my dad meeting my mom for the first time while bent over, getting his ass beaten to shreds at a BDSM dungeon. Oh, the horror.

Rom-coms have led us to believe that the appropriate places one can meet a significant other are the grocery store, at school, through friends at a dinner or casual (boring) party, or in such a cutesy happenstance way that it actually makes me want to vomit. When was the last time a real human being ACTUALLY met another human being at a park while playing frisbee. Yeah, I’m calling bullsh*t on that one.

When asking how two people met, you’re probably just going to get the generic “at a bar” or “through friends” answer. But the truth of the matter is, those kinky motherf*ckers, Julie and Dan, met on St. Patrick’s Day while completely wasted. They proceeded to have public sex in a side alley while Dan stuck a finger up Julie’s a**, but you can’t tell that to your kids, now can you?

These couples met in the most NSFW ways possible:


1.

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2.

I actually met my husband at work, but I had recently dated and broke up with a guy I had been crushing on for years. I decided I was going to have a fling. A one night stand. My boss introduced the new guy to me and said “Sarah will show you everything.” Hell yes, I will! After all, he had a cute ass. He just never went home. We dated for almost 3 years, have been married for 24. Have a 21 year old child too. Still love him and he still has a cute ass. My first and only attempt at a one-night stand. Failed miserably.

3.

Was out for my birthday one night, obviously I wanted to get my end away so I went to find a coworker who I knew I could get it on with (had done a few times before). Instead, she introduced me to her friend who almost immediately rammed her tongue down my throat. Not long after that she dragged me to the girls toilet, sucked me off, then I bent her over the toilet before being kicked out of the club. Walked her home because I’m a “gentleman” then banged her in the back of her car. 9 1/2 years later we’re engaged and have a 2 year old son. Also, she fucking hates that story.

4.

She called me to let me know my (now-ex) wife was fucking her boyfriend. We started dating a few months later, now together over 8 years.

5.

She was on the Stairmaster at the gym wearing one of those 80s/90s style aerobics leotards. The aerobics machines were all against a long, mirrored wall, facing into a long, narrow room. A row of Nautilus machines occupied the other wall about 10 feet from the aerobics machines. I was using the chest fly machine across from her, looking in the mirror, enjoying the way her glorious gluteous muscles swayed and flexed each step up. I was on my 56th or 57th rep when I looked up at her face and realized she was looking right at me. She knew exactly what I was doing, and she was smiling. My pecs were sore for three days, but we’ve been together for nearly 25 years.
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