Oh, America — land of the free, home of the brave. It’s a gun-touting, red-blooded kingdom that, if the GOP had its way, would teach abstinence-only sex education in schools while telling children and teens alike just how much Jesus loves them. Oh wait, that sh*t already happens. F*ck.
Unfortunately for the future of our country and personal livelihoods, sexual health and reproductive understandings seem to have plummeted in the dark, disturbing, and hilariously sad corners of the internet — Yahoo! Answers. It’s honestly where intellect goes to die and ignorance takes over like a gahddamn field of dandelions, each seed more stupifying than the next. It seems that these seeds of stupidity blow through the wind of our failed education systems and plant themselves in our schools, our places of work, and even in our family. RIP our stepbrother who thought that you could get a girl pregnant by jizzing in her ear.
While perusing these ridiculously stupid questions about sex, you might ask yourself — how? How did we get here? And how the F*CK do we change course? Well, you might just have to hop on the trusted Yahoo! Answers site and ask for yourself! I mean, how else are we going to teach the youths of the world that no, it’s probably not safe to pee in a girl’s butt? And who will ever tell little Johnny that the fetus isn’t drinking all of his girlfriend’s period blood in the womb?