4.
What you type: Your parallel universe or mine?
What you mean: We both know that this relationship is completely unnatural and wouldn’t happen under any other circumstances so let’s just pretend you’re not my sister’s prison warden and get down and dirty before the they realize she’s gone missing.
5.
What you type: Come over and I’ll make you a sandwich.
What you mean: Trust me, I am not making you this sandwich to be nice, or because I love you, or because I’m particularly good at making sandwiches.
Actually, I’m devious as f*ck, because I know what you want, and how to use it to control you. I’m making you a sandwich so that you’ll be so dependent on me and my cooking that you hardly notice I’ve forced you into a lifelong commitment.
It’s a trap.
6.
What they type: Show me what you hate about yourself first.
What they mean: Sorry! I only date men I can fix. I mean real trainwrecks. But, if you’re a smoker, hard drinker, or have daddy issues, LEMME SEE YOU BACK THAT ASS UP. (Relentless nagging to follow).
