17 Excuses Men Have Given For Their Limp D*ck

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

All guys have been there. There comes a point when you want to have sex, but other forces are keeping your D from getting hard enough to f*ck. So what do you do? How do you handle the situation?

Seriously, just be honest. Is it medication? Is it alcohol? Are you distracted by something? Whatever the excuse may be, don’t be an ass hole. Be straight up with them, and don’t think that it in any way affects your partners perception of you, because if it does, then that person sucks anyways. Who cares what they think? IT HAPPENS.

But if you utter words like “you’re just ugly” you are an ass hole. Don’t project your insecurities on someone else.. even if you genuinely believe that person is ugly, that’s just messed up to say to someone’s face.

These 17 people gave excuses when it came to their limp pee pees. Sure, some are totally justifiable. But then there are the ones that are just plain ridiculous, stupid, and unbelievable.

These are 17 excuses men have given for their limp penis:


My cousin’s boyfriend got hot and heavy with her one day. He was definitely nervous about the whole situation but talked a big game to her for weeks. When 15 minutes of heavy petting went by and there was not so much as a shimmy down there, he looked her in the eyes and said “I just can’t have pleasure knowing that there are so many starving kids in the world out there!” and ran out of the room. He never called her and ignored her to the point where she just moved on. So now I refer to limp dick as having ‘hunger pains’.


“I just can’t use condoms.”


I just masturbated.. Okay. Then why the f*ck did you invite me over to f*ck?


Met this guy and went back to my place. He couldn’t get hard and got really discouraged and said he didn’t know what was wrong. I had to explain to a dude about whisky dick. Apparently he didn’t know that was a thing.

Written by Alex Cogen

Alex is a New Yorker currently living in Austin. She loves cats, grass, and latex but unfortunately is allergic to all 3. She makes mom and dad jokes more than she cares to admit (jk she'll admit it loud and proud). She isn't as funny as she thinks she is. She is the founder of