19 Confessions From Guys Who Got Hard At The Wrong Time

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Poppin’ wood, having your lil soldier stand at attention, pitching a tent — that’s right, y’all — we’re here to talk about BONERS. I mean, who doesn’t love a good awkward boner story. As a woman without a penis, I can barely begin to understand what a boner feels like, how convenient/inconvenient they can be, and why they always seem to (literally) pop up in the most random of times. According to the internet, these random boners are called NARBs, or “no apparent reason boners.” Hey — the more you know!

Maybe most of your awkward boner stories happened in middle school when hormones are running wild and you never know when a sudden chub could come on. Thankfully, you had binders and excuses for days as to why you couldn’t come up to the front of the class to answer the equation on the chalkboard. “Umm…. my legs are numb. I forgot how to walk. Give me a 0.” You know, the usual.

But sometimes awkward boners strike outside of the 8th grade and into adulthood. Lucky you! You were just trying to be a mature and responsible adult when you went to the doctor to get your balls checked. Next thing you know — doc has a handful of your pulsating member all up in their grill. Of course, they say it’s no big deal, but you know she’s going straight to the doctor water cooler to laugh about the bro who almost came on her cool white coat.

So whether you’re at swim practice in a tiny little speedo or hastily trying to shove your erection back in your boxers after your mom opens the door to your room to drop off laundry while you and bae hook up — boners are a part of life. I love a good boner! They make me orgasm and they’re fun to talk into like mic (sorry boyfriend). Don’t get too down on yourself for popping boners at inopportune times because one day, you might be poppin’ a little blue pill to feel like the good ole days.

These 19 dudes got the most awkward boners ever and their stories will make you die from secondhand embarrassment:



When I was a kid, we used to have swim class at my school, and were only allowed to wear school issued Speedos. We could not bring our own swim trunks. I don’t think there was ever a time when we had to get out of the water that I didn’t have an erection. There was no hiding it those things. Not to mention they were so thin, they left nothing to the imagination. You could probably see every vein in my little boner.


Probably my most awkward boner ever was on a trip to San Francisco with another couple that my wife and I hang out with. We were touristing around and we ended up getting on a trolley because hey, San Francisco. Anyway, we were all packed in pretty close and they were in front of us and that placed the girl directly in front of me. Me finding her super hot plus the jostling of the trolley led to a raging hard-on. Didn’t think she noticed until we got off and went to have lunch and she just gave me a cheshire cat grin. Embarrassing.


My first time hooking up with this super hot girl I had been chasing after for a while. It was in a hotel room I was sharing with my mom on a trip in high school. Well, she walked in and I had to push the girl off and go walk to her with a massive tent pitched in my pants, praying she didn’t noticed it. I’m sure she did, though.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.