19 Confessions From Guys Who Got Hard At The Wrong Time

13.

Towards the end of a church service, I got a huge, revealing boner. It was time to leave and it was just pulsing. I had to stand up, and my parents had kept running in and talking to people. The worst part was having to shake the hands of some of them. What can I say? Loving god apparently gives me a hard on.

14.

So I’m at my girlfriends house with some of her and my friends over one night watching TV. And this show comes on “Sex Slaves: Houston”. It talks about the sex trade that is going on in Texas. There was some really fucked up shit happening in that show. While we’re watching, I’m cuddled up with my girl on the couch, and she starts rubbing her bum all over my Johnson, not really intentionally but it was enough. Like many other guys out there I’m definitely an ass man, and my GF has quite a nice one. Naturally blood starts to flow down below and I pop a boner. While watching a show about sex slaves, in the middle of a scene where a crying girl is talking about how she was raped every day when she was a part of it. My girlfriend looked at me with contempt. And sat up straight so she wasn’t touching me anymore. Most awkward boner ever.

15.

I have this nerdy female doctor and in the middle of the testicle exam i got a boner. She was like “whoa” and so I said “sorry” and then she said, “it happens.” Now I get a boner every time I go to see her.

16.

I was a brand new Airman, reporting to my first base. Part of base in-processing is you sit down with your new Commander, he briefs you, tells you what you do there, what the mission is like, that sort of thing. It’s all very fluffy. Anyways, I go in for my briefing and am told by his Secretary to go in to his office and sit down, that the Commander will be with me soon. So there I am, relaxing, admiring all the flair on the walls (awards, memorabilia, that sort of thing) aaand I feel a NARB* coming on. Oh well, Commanders usually run a little la–… In walks in the Commander, Lieutenant Colonel, perfectly turned out. The guy looks like a recruiting poster. And there I am, A1C Scruffy, with a raging erection standing at attention. All of me standing at attention. We locked eyes, he laughs, says he has that effect on people, and to take my seat. The heat coming off my face would’ve ignited anything flammable within ten feet.

Written by Laura McNairy

Laura is a freelance writer for TFLN. She likes to write about what she knows best — dating, sex, and being awkward, but usually in the opposite order. She is the Assistant Editor and videographer for Peach Fuzz, a sex-positive nudie magazine in ATX.