I distinctly remember as a little kid being extremely confused why I couldn’t have my shirt off outside like boys I saw do. I remember as a pre teen being very distressed as my chest started to grow. I hated it. Every bit of it. I was so embarrassed and disgusted by the little bumps starting to protrude under my shirts. I put off bras as long as possible and hide in oversized shirts. As a teenager I over compensated in femininity because I felt that’s what would garner me attention from people, what would make me liked. I wore push up bras and just tried really hard to be something I wasn’t. At 18 and 19 I started really getting into cosplay, but instead of choosing female characters, I was always gravitating towards male. It’s where I felt comfortable, where I felt….REAL. At first I thought I was just a cross dresser or something, but that didn’t feel right. After a lot of soul searching, and tons of research into the topic, I finally realized a lot of my self image issues where actually gender dysphoria, especially towards that chest region. 18.
I was always a tomboy but I very distinctly remember being 8 and telling my mother I wished I was a boy. She shot me down pretty fast because she thought I was kidding but years later, yeah. Lots of unhappy mental times in between then and now (I’m 27 at present) and she’s now super supportive but admits that it seemed to have gotten worse around when I hit puberty. A lot of self-image issues I was never happy with myself. 19.
I had just turned 4 and threw a fit when my parents told me I couldn’t be Nala for Halloween. Simba did not feel like an accurate reflection of my soul. Somewhere around that time, I remember forming my first friendships. I knew that I related better with other girls. It was just so intuitive. By the time I was 8 or 9, I remember laying in bed praying to a god (that I didn’t even believe in) that I would just wake up as a girl. I bargained with myself that if there was ever a magic pill I could take, I’d do it without hesitation. My voice dropped around 11 or 12. The first signs of puberty. They coincided with depression, self hatred for my body, and social isolation. I’m 27 now, have been on hormones going on 4 years, have had SRS, and have never been happier or more well adjusted in my life.
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