Uber and Lyft have changed the transportation game, there’s no doubt about it. Regardless of how you feel about these ridesharing titans, there’s one thing everyone can agree on, they can get you home after a stupid amount of drinking on a Friday night. It’s kind of turned us into lazy bums, too (I took more Lyfts the last time I was in New York than actually taking the subway, yes I’m THAT person, gross).
The last time I was in a Lyft, I drunkenly stumbled in with a guy I was seeing and asked who the driver thought would win a fight between us (both physical and non-physical). Mind you, I’m 4’11” and the guy is at least 6” and the driver sided with me (I’m f*cking scrappy, best believe it). While the driver was siding with me, he told us a crazy story of how he had to pull a guy out of his car for actually attempting to physically fight his girlfriend, which I’m sure wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg for unbelievable crap this New York City driver has seen.
I have this competitive nature and will not settle for anything less than five stars on both Lyft and Uber, so I always chat with my drivers and attempt friendly conversation as I see fit. But I wonder what drivers have seen from the people that don’t give a f*ck about their rating?
The following 19 drivers share their unbelievable experiences:
1.
A friend who also drives in my city picked up this drunk girl on her bachelorette at 8pm on a Saturday night. She was going 4 blocks but was so drunk she passed out the second she sat down. He pulls off and about 30 seconds later she sh*ts in her sleep. She’s wearing very short shorts so it just falls out both sides. Being that she’s passed the fuck out, he drives her to her hotel anyway (with the windows down trying not to vomit). When he gets there, she kinda wakes up, and in the process of getting out manages to smear sh*t EVERYWHERE. She says sorry, throws him $20, and disappears. Uber gives him $250 to clean his car, charged to the shitter. They next day he gets an email from Uber saying she called them all pissed off because why did she have to pay a soilage charge when she already gave him $20 to get the car cleaned?
2.
My wife drives mornings sometimes – I usually drive afternoon / evenings on weekends. She comes home after driving an hour or so – says last ride was college dude, hung over but chatty. A few minutes later her phone goes off – he left his sweater in the car. “I” go to take it back. It would seem that mister chatty was wanting to be more than a little friendly with the female driver as he answers the door glistening with water from the shower, a very small towl around his waist and a big smile. He froze like a deer in the headlights when me – 6’4 265lb half-bearded bubba is standing out front. I can tell from his shocked looks that this isn’t what he was expecting. His roommates were laughing their asses off at this point. I just smiled and winked at him and in my deepest rumbling voice said – you forgot your sweater there big boy…
3.
I had a passenger roll down the window and scream “SUCK MY F*CKING D*CK” at a deer. She said she really didn’t like deer.
4.
Guy passed out drunk so he checked and his pulse was low, took him to the hospital, turned out the guy was overdosing on Xanax and alcohol, and he saved his life.
Irvi Torremoro is an Austinite by way of Las Vegas. She's worked in various outlets in food & beverage and is now focused on writing, eating all the things, talking about Beyonce, and petting all the puppies. She runs flavorandbounty.com, a lifestyle blog about people in the service industry.
